This past week I had the privilege of preaching on “Singleness” for our Sunday Services here at Crossgate Church. (You can view the sermon by clicking here.)  During that message, I mentioned how one of the things often at the forefront of many singles’ minds is the desire for a spouse which has not been met.  But the reality is this issue of unmet desire isn’t confined to Christian singles.  At some point everyone faces this struggle.  It may involve your marital relationship, or it may be something you face in terms of your health, your job, your family, or a myriad of other circumstances where you find yourself in the same boat.  Unmet expectations. Unsatisfied desires. Unfulfilled longings.

It is a natural consequence of living in a fallen, post-Genesis 3 world that we would experience suffering of various kinds.  Romans 8 speaks of the totality of creation longing to be set free from the effects of sin.  But one of the ways we may not often consider the reality of suffering is in this idea of unfulfilled longings.  It is one thing to do something wrong and suffer as a consequence, but when it comes to a desire for good things – things that God himself specifically calls good! – it is a lot harder for us to understand why God doesn’t answer that prayer.  Perhaps you have wrestled with such a thought before.

God says marriage is to be held in honor (Hebrews 13:4) & I should get married if I have sexual desires (1 Corinthians 6:9), so why would God give me this longing for a spouse, or these sexual urges, if he isn’t going to fulfill them?

God says children are a blessing (Psalm 127:3-5), so why do my spouse & I keep battling difficulties with infertility and/or miscarriage?

God says not to be anxious about the things we need because he will take care of us (Matthew 6:25-34), so why am I struggling to pay the bills/find a good job/move ahead in my career/make ends meet/provide for my family?

God says he doesn’t desire for any sinner to perish in hell (2 Peter 3:9), so why hasn’t he answered my prayer to save my son/daughter/spouse/family member/friend/co-worker/etc?

I mean these are good, God-glorifying desires to have, are they not?  And we have all seen times in our lives, or in the lives of others, where God has met a desire such as this.  So why not my current situation? What makes the difference? Am I not praying enough? Am I not believing enough? Do I not have enough faith? Am I not reading my Bible enough? Is God just playing mind games with me?  Why would he give me longings for something that He himself says are good things to desire if he is just going to continue to leave those desires unmet?

This is where, I believe, Psalm 37:4 can help us a great deal.

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4

At first brush this sounds like the perfect formula to get exactly what we want from God. If I just put God in 1st place, then he’ll FINALLY grant me my wishes. I’ve even heard this used as a sort of “Prosperity Gospel Lite”.  The desire of my heart is a new car or a new job or a significant other or a child of my own… so on and so forth.  So if I just believe hard enough or have enough faith… God will finally give me what it is I long for!

But this isn’t a promise that God will give you a spouse, any more than it is a promise that he will make me 6ft tall. (And trust me I’ve tried praying that prayer!) Notice how the promise here is rooted in the 1st half of that verse.  Delight yourself IN THE LORD.  When your greatest delight, your highest expectation, your biggest desire is for the Lord… he is always going to give you that desire.

You see, God often allows unfulfilled longings within our lives to cause us to long more for Jesus.  We won’t always know why things happen the way they do or why God allows us to have good desires for things that we are not able to attain.  But what we can know is that all of it is meant to invigorate a deeper longing for the only thing that will ultimately satisfy – God himself.  Good things are good, but only one thing is ultimate. And what a mercy it is for him to let us feel that.

“Remember this: Had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there.”  – Charles Haddon Spurgeon