On October 31st, 1517 Martin Luther began what would come to be known as The Protestant Reformation. Each year on this day, I remain ever grateful for the truths that were passed down because of the faithfulness of those like Luther. So what in the world could all of that have to do with dating relationships?

As someone who has worked with students & young adults for many years, I often get questioned about how to go about vetting a potential dating partner.  What if they are a Christian but from a different denomination? What if we disagree on _______? Fill in the blank.  Baptism. Women pastors. Speaking in tongues. Predestination/Free will.  What if they are Catholic, Mormon, Presbyterian, Methodist, Jehovah Witness, Pentecostal, Missionary Baptist?  Or what if they don’t claim to be a Christian at all?  Is it OK to date a proclaimed Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Jew, Agnostic?

Most of the time, if we’re honest, what people are really looking for is validation for someone they ALREADY have their eyes set on.  And just as often as not, those who appear to be asking for my advice decide to go with whatever they want to do anyway.

But these are important questions to be answered, and I believe that from a Protestant perspective we can answer these questions using some principles from the Reformation.  There are 5 key truths known as “The Five Solas of the Reformation” that are handed down to Protestants, like myself, and these are essentials to our faith as Christians. The word Sola (or soli/solus below) comes from the Latin word for “only” or “alone” and emphasizes key principles that we believe cannot be added to.  And I believe that these same principles can help guide those thinking about their dating relationships.

1. Christ Alone (Solus Christus) – Because salvation comes through Christ alone, Christians should not date someone who would disagree on that front.  The Bible teaches that you are IN CHRIST (2 Corinthians 5:21; Colossians 3:3-4). So if someone doesn’t love Jesus, how could they possibly love you well?  So whether they hold to Islam or Atheism or Judaism, you shouldn’t date someone who doesn’t love and worship Jesus as God.
2. Faith Alone (Sola Fide) – Because salvation comes through Faith alone (and not by works), you should not date someone who would disagree on that front.  The Bible teaches that we are saved by Faith in Christ, not by working for Christ. (Romans 3:28; Galatians 2:16; Ephesians 2:8-9) So this is a major point of disagreement with Catholics and others who would say they’re Christian but believe you need your works added to faith to be saved. (Whereas we’d say true faith produces good works, but those good works are not what save you. Philippians 2:12-13; James 2:14-26)  So you shouldn’t date someone who believes you can work hard enough to please God, because the Gospel is that Jesus lived the life, died the death, rose to give us life and his gift of salvation by faith.  If you disagree on what makes someone a Christian – on what the GOSPEL actually is – how could you possibly have a healthy relationship?
3. Grace Alone (Sola Gratia) – Because salvation comes through Grace alone, in many ways, this principle goes right along with Faith alone. But I want to take this a step further. Many who claim to be Christians who believe in grace live their lives as harsh, pride-filled legalists.  When it comes to the person you’re dating (and may marry one day), you want to be with someone who doesn’t just see grace as a concept to be believed, but as something that they are utterly dependent upon for their lives.  People who really get grace are going to be humble and dependent upon God, rather than judgmental and arrogant about their lives or faith.  They are going to be forgiving just as they have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32), and they are keenly aware of their sin, while even more aware that grace goes deeper still.
4. Scripture Alone (Sola Scriptura) – Because the Bible is our sole authority for matters of faith, we rest assured that everything we need for life and godliness is given to us through God’s inspired, inerrant Word (2 Timothy 3:16-17). There are many people within different denominations who believe this, but here too, I believe we can take this a step further. As you think on this from a dating perspective, you want someone who not only believes the Bible is their sole authority but with whom you also agree on important theological issues.  So you shouldn’t date someone if you disagree on whether believers only should be baptized or infants.  You shouldn’t date someone if one of you believes in speaking in tongues and the other doesn’t.  You shouldn’t date someone if you disagree on gender roles and whether men are supposed to be the spiritual authority at home and in the church as pastors.  Because ultimately, if you end up married one day, these are the issues that will affect things like what church you will be a part of, how you will handle disagreements, and how you will raise your kids. 
5. Glory to God Alone (Soli Deo Gloria) – Finally, everything in life should ultimately be about God’s glory (Colossians 3:17).  Anyone who would claim to be a Christian would acknowledge this with their lips, but here is my challenge for you.  Don’t just date a “Christian”.  In our world today, it is so easy for someone to say they are a Christian.  And I have seen smitten teenagers and young adults who are so head over heels for a guy or girl that they hear them say they are a Christian and that is as far as the faith conversation goes…as if it were a simple check mark and they can move on.  Don’t just date a “Christian”.  Date someone with a heart for God.  Those two things are different, and you know it.  And if you love God more than anything else, you need to date someone who also loves God more than anything or anyone else…including you!

I’ve assumed throughout writing this that your intent in dating relationships is to find a potential future spouse. Dating without marriage in mind as a possibility at some point is at best unwise and at worst outright sinful. Dating should be about trying to figure out if this is someone you want to commit to in marriage.

Marriage is hard enough when you agree on EVERYTHING. And if you don’t know what you believe about these things, it would be important for you to take time right now to focus on your relationship with God and studying his Word before entering into a dating relationship.

But in the end, fight the desire to follow your deceptive heart (Jeremiah 17:9), and instead follow these 5 guidelines to having a dating relationship (and Lord willing, future marriage) that is about Christ alone, through Faith alone, by Grace alone, according to Scripture alone, to the Glory of God alone.

Happy Reformation Day!